Corporate pick-me girls
and the ones who forgot to pay it forward....
I love my job. I work on important projects for a highly valued and well-funded product. I adore the quirky product managers and engineers who never show their faces, pretend they're in an HBS case study class, laugh at the worst moments, and respond with two-syllable answers to even the worst emergencies. I truly enjoy the product growth and drama that ensues from new product launches. I live for a good brainstorming sesh, communicating often, and a nitty-gritty problem to solve—you know, living the "playbook" for corporate America. I thought I was pretty good at it, until this past week.
This isn't my first rodeo in corporate America nor with the concept of backstabbing in real life: student government, MUNs, the BoardWalks with elle, etc.
Back in 2020, I was a recipient of the treachery of the well-known society of corporate pick-me girls. This is a selected group of women who fit the corporate ideal of 1 male random leader: she downplays her own interest in favor of work, going the extra-mile to prove her loyalty to the company, her entire personality is tied to the company. This group of power-hungry individuals (mostly women) saw my bright-eyed intensity and squeezed me of all my talent, performance, and leadership potential because I didn't have enough years of experience. The meritocracy myth slapped me in the face, letting me know my place as a cog in the big machine, even after being the most qualified for the role. "Optics” is the lingo used in most American offices. I naively thought that if clients asked for me and requested me, I would become too indispensable to be disposed of. But I was... eventually fading out, and I was back to "nil."
Fast forward to today, and history seems to be repeating itself. Recently, during a 15-minute call with my childless and newly promoted, blonde, NYC socialite director, I was reminded that balance doesn’t exist for women in climbing the corporate ladder. And... with this child in my belly, I'm apparently shooting myself even further into the hole of American workhorsing, "tough work," and real execution.
I want more leadership, I want the possibility to play in the big corporate leagues. I just need a sponsor who will look past the societal error that moms are just moms. How hard can that be? As if it wasn’t political enough already, let me add another human soul into the mix.
Aspirationally to me, my director is the NYC it girl. Fashionable, greeting people on the streets, a regular at a coffee shop, gorgeous, slim (legit my dream back in 2019). I asked her about her favorite spot to shop for statement items in NYC and what she loved most about the city. I was confronted with the reality that when she goes out shopping with friends, they look at her bill and admit, "They cannot keep up with her spending."
Even after that traumatic 2020 work-drama, to this day, I had remained willfully ignorant to the fact that my own reluctance to be sorority cool, heavily in debt, and plugged into society was hindering me from ascending to the ranks of my white role models.
So... when I came across this new role, essentially made for me: heavy with ads, AI, and encrypted messages, and was blocked from obtaining it based on "location strategy" (aka corporate red tape)… you see, I got upset for real.
I've been in this game for more than 7 years now, long enough to know that the cool girls (and guys) with pretty privilege (white, blonde ones mostly) and “fit the bill” get handpicked for flashy manager or director roles, even though they haven't met the minimum time requirements in the company. The corporate pick-me girl who bypasses any year of experience requirements—yeah, I am referring to you, Kaitlyn.
For those of you that need the paper and the study to believe me, here it is fresh from the WSJ: A Decade After ‘Lean In,’ Progress for Women Isn’t Trickling Down.
“About eight women get their first promotion to manager for every 10 men—virtually the same rate they did in 2018.”
“Promotion rates for women of color—which briefly surged as companies redoubled racial-diversity commitments after George Floyd’s 2020 murder—are worse than for white women”
I am arguing that we are our own problem and that we keep playing the male-led corporate game, impressing them and forgetting to reach out back into the pool of candidates that actually work and want it. My rage against the Girlboss who “forgot” to pay it forward, especially when things were moving along for her.
I'm flying to NYC next week to meet up with the people who are blocking me, confronting these corporate pick-me girls while I flaunt a 7-month-old belly that screams, "Please do not discount me because of my son."
Oh, how I wish I could outwork you, corporate America… maybe I already have.